Everything you wanted to know about shit......

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Taking a Shit
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Taking a shit is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get until you stand up and behold the glory (or infamy) that came out of your bowels. It is often difficult to know the size of your shits until you stand up. There were times when I felt I had Shaq's arm dangling out of my ass, only to find out I shat Emanuel Lewis' pinky finger. There were times where I thought I barely farted, only to find something in the toilet that could make an elephant jealous.
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Next is the unpleasant surprise is the wiping part. Sometimes you have your shit together and it takes only a couple wipes to clean your ass. Sometimes you get a lot of stragglers or worse a mudslide between your cheeks that somehow manages to leave skid marks on your hand no matter how much toilet paper you use. You never really know until you run that first piece of toilet paper across your ass.
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A common problem associated with taking a shit is where you are going to take a shit.
Taking a shit at work raises several ethical and professional considerations. First of all, the work toilet is not like a dumpster in back of a supermarket, you cannot anonymously drop your unwanted children there without repercussions. This is especially problematic if your work toilet is unisex.
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Shitting at work can be unprofessional. On the scale of rudeness, I would not put taking a shit at work like taking a shit at a friend's house, but it can be up there. I cannot help but wonder how many clients have been lost and how many big deals have been blown because some employee took a howler at work before a client or customer used the bathroom.

II. Awesome link
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This is a video of an African American gentlemen getting arrested. There are some people that say that all African Americans are guilty of something. This African American is clearly guilty.....guilty of being a back-flipping, telephone-pole climbing, motorboating, 100% awesome little son of a bitch.

Getting Away with murder

As much as we would like to think justice is blind, some people in our society can get away with pretty much anything. We all know that rich people like OJ Simpson and Michael Jackson can get away with vile crimes, but they are not the only one.
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Take this story about a 90 year old guy that hit a kid with his car in a hit and run crash. The DA is still thinking about whether to press charges! Why? Because the guy is 90 years old. 90 year olds can do whatever the fuck they want.


Midgest can get a way with a lot of shit too. If I grabbed your girlfriend or wife's ass in a bar, you would probably punch my teeth out. If this guy stuck his cock in your woman's ass, you would not punch him. In fact, you would be the one rolling around on the ground....in laughter.
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Corkies can get away with a lot of shit, too. If I grabbed your girfriend or wife's ass in a bar you would probably.....
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You know who gets away with the most shit. 90-year-old midgets with Downs Syndrome. If Hitler was a 90 year old midget with Downs Syndrome, he would have won Nobel Prizes and have had synagogues named after him. If Jamarcus Russel was a 90-year-old midget with Downs Syndrome, not only would he have a higher passer rating, but he would also not be such a fucking bum.

The NRA says guns don't kill people, people kill people. They say if you took away all the guns, people would use knives.
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Did you ever wonder what would happen if we took away all the guns and all the knives? Well people would probably hit each other with sticks, right? Well what would happen if we took away all the sticks? Well people would hit each other with fists....right? Well what would people attack each other with if we could somehow remove all their fists?
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Well, here is the answer.